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A graceful moment.

Posted on 2008.03.05 at 20:11
So I forgot to mention this particular moment of grace that happened as I was leaving for spring break.

I was getting into the cab that I had called to take me to my bus stop and I guess the damn cabbie had parked near a large stretch of ice. As I threw my back into the backseat of the cab the shift in balance and the ice sent me flying backwards so that my feet slid under the car and my shins his the undercarriage and my ass hit the curb. That was a whole lot of ow. That was almost 2 weeks ago now and I still have the bruised lumps on my shins. ><

besides that spring break was loverly. I regained some more of my sanity, though honestly I didn't want to have to come back to school. I just feel like "whatever" right now. partly due to the fact that I have no idea what to dooooooo. If I was slightly more unreasonable my mom and my sister might have had to pry me from the house. The good thing is I'll be home in less than 2 months. the bad thing is....I'll only get to go home after 2 more months. blah.

I didn't really get to see anyone besides Joe and Elaine over break though. I was getting sick and I wasn't feeling up to hauling my ass downtown. I MISS EVERYONE!!!!

I had to work a total crap shift too. I hate those bastards. I come back for one week and they give me the crap shift. I worked 11pm friday night to 9am saturday morning and then again 6pm-10pm saturday night. I basically spent my last day of freedom/spring break/family time at work. bastards. Quiting soon. I promise.

Other than that everythings all honky-dory. school's school. Dana's her fun self and Ann Arbor is ...snowy.

Love you all!

Posted on 2008.02.24 at 11:19


You got some s'plainin to do.....

Posted on 2008.02.22 at 08:50
I think my last "for serious" post was the one where I said I'm no longer majoring in physics. I haven't really explained why and I suppose thats because I myself am a little rusty on the details.

long rant that I couldn't create a cut for cause I don't know how-starts here.

Basically I never REALLY wanted to be a physicist. Part of the reason I chose physics was because I wasn't sure what else to major in. I didn't want to go into college with no direction so I somewhat randomly picked physics. Not to mention the fact that one of mymain goals in life is to earn a good enough income so that I am able to take care of my mom and my sister. With a career in physics I thought I could do that. I also knew that I had above average skill in math and science. So, why not?

I have to admit though there are other reasons as well. I've always been irked my my own abilities. Its kind of hard to explain properly. I'm not saying this with any degree of vanity or of being fullof myself, whatever you may call it. I think that I tend to be above average in basically any subject I study. I suppose thats why they call it "gifted" (I still think thats a really lame word...gives me the shivers...). This would seem to be okay, but the fact is I'm not REALLY spectacular at anything. I don't have any subject that I am undoubtedly the best in. I mean take Jei for example. She's got to be the singularly best writer I've ever met, dammit. Elaine....she's got her own brand of spectacular ^^. She has such a passion for the things she does that she could never go wrong. I thnk Vince has the whole art-thing going for him. Me? nothing. When people think Stephanie what to they think? Science? maybe, but only cause I've promoted that side of my interests. The truth is I'm just as good at science as I am anything else. Its frustrating. I feel like there is nothing that stands out about me. There is nothing that I am solely focused on or passionate about. (well except maybe fashion, but lets not go there)

So I think maybe part of my decision to major in physics was because no one else I knew was doing it and I guess that gave me some domain. Something no one else had. I dunno.

Anyways I guess I realized that I've been putting in a whole lot of effort towards a subject I don't really care about all that much. Yeah I like science, but more of a "pop science" kind of way. There are people in my classes that actually go out and actively research current science stuff...I don't. Why? Cause I. Don't. Care. After 3+ years I've finally realized I picked my major for a whole lote of bad reasons.

Which leaves me with the question, What Now? I have no idea. I have no idea what I want to major in. I have no idea what I want to DO. at all. Its kinda freaking me out. I don't like the feeling of having no direction. I'm definitely lost right now.

I'm pretty sure I'm leaving out tons but enh.

And now I've caught a cold. At least I'm on my way to chicago in a few hours! Spring break my ass. Its still effing winter! Anyways, Jei if you read this, I'm leaving your X-mas pressie with elaine, so when you have spring break get it from her. Elaine, if you're reading this, I'm leaving Jei's X-mas pressie with you so you can give it to her during her spring break. ^^

much love peeps I'm out.

I never thought I'd say this, but...

Posted on 2008.02.07 at 23:44
I am not going to major on physics.

Rawr! I spam you with meme from elaine!

Posted on 2008.02.06 at 20:01
Fill it out, peoples!

1) Are you currently in a serious relationship?

2) What was your dream growing up?

3) What talent do you wish you had?

4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?

5) Favorite vegetable?

6) What was the last book you read?

7) What zodiac sign are you?

8) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.

9) Worst Habit?

10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?

11) What is your favorite sport?

12) Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?

13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?

14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?

15) Tell me one weird fact about you.

16) Do you have any pets?

17) What if i showed up at your house unexpectedly?

18) What was your first impression of me? (hmmm...careful!)

19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?

20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?

21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?

22) What color eyes do you have?

23) Ever been arrested?

24) Bottle or can soda?

25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?

27) What's your favorite place to hang at?

28) Do you believe in ghosts?

29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?

30) Do you swear a lot?

31) Biggest pet peeve?

32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?

33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?

35) Do you believe in God?

36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

ah I wish I had a daddy long legs.

Posted on 2008.01.29 at 19:46
It sure would be nice to have a benevolent benefactor in my life right about now. I hate not having the money to even pay my car insurance to my mom or my part of the cell phone bill to my sister. I wish I didn't have to take out a loan the size of wyoming for this semester's tuition.

I even had a dream a few nights ago that my mom's long lost uncle (who happened to be a gazillionaire) found her and had no children of his own. So of course we got to live in his mansion the size of Vermont! there was also some weirdness about a wormhole existing in his backyard but that part wasn't so important.

I find my priorities these days have more and more to do with money and how I can get some more....oh and school. XP

Speaking of school, I'm not so sure it was a good idea to load on the hard classes this semester considering I am a reluctant study-er. bah. so much homework all the time. T'will be the death of me to be sure. mah classes:

Math 351: Principles of analysis
Math 425: Intro into Probability
Physics 390: Modern Physics
Physics 401: Classical Dynamics
French 231: Intermediate french

overall 16 credits. Why are the hardest classes worth the least amount of credits?!?!?!?!

insanity I say.

How an I supposed to feel when you go and die on me like that?

Posted on 2007.11.08 at 22:31
Current Music: Last Song-Gackt
My Grandmother died today.

To me she was Grandma Liverant.

She was certainly not a good or kind grandmother to me. She treated me terribly because I LOOKED mixed, where my sister didn't. She was always made me feel less than my sister. She was racist and unkind towards me my whole life. But she was a person too.

I think thats why I couldn't stop crying after I found out. Uncontrollable crying. I don't really understand it. I don't feel angry at her anymore. She died a terrible death. She was my Grandmother.

She had severe dymentia and was basically crippled into the fetal postition. She hasn't recognized me since I was 12. By the time she died her mind must have been completely gone.

I know there's more inside of me. I know there's something there I need to say or acknowledge, but I don't know what it is.

I will try to go to the funeral. It will proabaly be in Connecticut.

I'm still taking my test tomorrow. I'll still go to my classes. I have no idea after that.

Posted on 2007.11.03 at 21:46
Current Location: Tha B to Tha Etsy!
Current Music: Love Today-Mika
Basically the part of my brain that used to swell with its amazingness is dissolving away. Thats right ladies and gentlemen, Stephanie's lack of time to read a book has resulted in the crumbling of her writing ability. I swear everytime I try to type something out I have to go back twelve times before I can decide whether or not that word is spelled correctly/is supposed to have an apostophe/is even a word. The Last book I read for fun was Emma by Jane Austen.

anyhoo. I haven't written in a bit. I've been trying to stay somewhat consistent with my entries, but this has slacked as of late. I don't know if this is due to the lack of interesting things to write about or the lack of motivation. meh.

Lets see. This is going to be kind of random.

I finally ditched my bum of a lab partner. He was kinda nice, but also kind of an ass. He never responded to emails I sent him and he was just strange in general. I don't have a way to describe it right now. He just kinda irked me. My new lab partner is a nice girl. She's considering becoming a physics major. I, of course, tried my best to convince her of the obvious amazingness of physics.

When did my planning my social life become planning my social life around television? I have one show I watch and I never commit to anything that inerferes with this show. yes. shut up.

Oh Halloween. so Iended up not doing much. I basically sat in my room doing homework. This is the first halloween that I haven't really done anything. Kinda makes me annoyed. I REALLY wanted to go to a haunted house this year! I haven't been to one since was 13. rawr! I did go to our dorm's halloween party on Sunday night. I was helping to put it on, so I was obligated to. I had fun though. I had NOTHING to dress up in. I however had a fun time dressing Dana up. We went to the salvation army and found her an awesoem costume. She went as a Ravenclaw! I found this grey pleated skirt that was perfect only it was tiny! I mean Suma tiny. She fit it. I ran around the whole place finding things for her costume and she was kinda like..ummm..okay? ^^ I adore Dana!

>warning: I go on a rant about some personal beliefs on ethics and whatnot-go ahead and skip it<

In my anthro class we've gotten onto the subject of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Since our class is about ethnic minorities in Japan and in Japan a-bomb victims are discriminated against. I don't think I've ever cried so much publicly. and I was the only one! I am such a sap. (v_v) So incredibly painful. Really there is no excuse for that kind of thing. Nothing justifies using such a dreadful thing against people, especially civilians. Nothing. I now there are a lot of people who think that there was no other way to end the war, but that simply isn't true. Japan was prepared to surrender as long as the emperor was allowed to remain. But the Americans were holding out for unconditional surrender. After the a-bomb, they accepted Japan's surrender and allowed them to keep the emperor. Thousands died for nothing. This isn't to say The Japanese government hasn't commited atrocities in the past, but this dehumanizing is exactly what allowed people to justify putting Americans in internment camps for being Japanese. This is what allowed people to feel no remorse at the deaths and life-long suffering of thousands of women, children, and elderly. How many other countries have done the same things the Japanese did? Pot. Kettle. Black. Hatred and fear are ugly things when used as weapons.

>okay you can resume reading now!<

Last night I went laser-tagging at 'zap zone.' wow. it was so weird. The place was so Not like Laser Quest. O.O It was amaxingly confusing. I still had fun though. I went with this club for students who are mixed. It was fun to meet people an what not. I kicked ass of course.

Recently I've gotten into Dong Bang Shin Ki (a.k.a. Dong Bang Shin Gi, Tohoshinki, + more) They are a Korean group! They make me want to learn Korean! Ah so adorable! Such catchy songs...

I have some pictures of michigan stuff. I'll post them soon...hopefully...

yes. that is all.

psychics say stuff sometimes.

Posted on 2007.10.20 at 16:06
Current Location: Smilerenjya-Lets Dancing
enh Tired as all hell. no matter how early I try to go to sleep I always end up going to bed at like 1 or later. dammit.

So Midterms are finally over. 5 more weeks until the second set of midterms comes around. bah.

Last night I went to Umix with Urvi (Dana's roommate froma couple years ago), Dillan (a girl who lived in BB with Dana and Urvi before), Monica (another ex-BB girl) and John (flatmate of the previous three). Dana and her sister went to Michigan State to visit their friends so I have control of the room for a few days! Anyways, at Umix they had a bunch of fun things to do. I painted a pumpkin purple. I also met with the palm reader. That was interesting. She said I have an incredibly long life line so I could live 'til I'm 100! woot! She said I have a strong Head line so I'm smart (^^). I'll only be married once and I might have already met him. She said He was someone around me who already really really really likes me. She also said his name was something with 'CH' like chin/chen/ or charles. I seriously cannot think of a single person that meets any of the criteria mentioned. so hmph.

I know I'm an atheist and what not, but I still believe in the supernatural. Thos ethings can exist and there could be scientific reasons whyt hey occur. Still I'm reluctant to believe her.

Today I woke up bright and early for Kendo practice. seriously. I wish they had practice at least 3 times a week. Thats normal for any kind of physical activity. I want to put my all into it, but 1 practice per week? come on! Anyways I've been putting some much force into practice that I've got a blister under the index finger of my left hand. ow.

So I was walking back from South Quad after lunch and I rolled my right ankle really hard. I'm worried I might have re-sprained it. It was the ankle I sprained this summer so its already kinda weak. I'm gunna lock myself up in my room and stay off of it. I hope I can walk on it by Monday cause there is no way I am hobbling around on crutches to get to my classes. I can't crutch from Dennison to the MLB in 10 minutes! It hasn't started swelling like my ankle does when its sprained, but it hurts a lot if I step on it.

I guess this means I actually have to work on my homework since there's nothing else to do....or watch asian dramas...yeah.

Everytime I come Home I want to go Home all over again.

Posted on 2007.10.17 at 22:49
Current Music: Do You Wanna Touch Me? -Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
Sorry I haven't updated in awhile. Its been hectic over here! Most of my midterms are over with. bleh. I did Okay. I was really hoping to rock 'em. Everyone keeps telling me I shouldn't feel down cause its my first semester at a real school and I'm taking somewhat difficult subjects. I have one more midterm Its for my Anthro class. I hope I do well! Jai Yo! Gambatte!

I went home on Friday! It was great! I had Fall Break so I took advantage of that! Mama picked me up after my last class and we went to Zingerman's Deli. Its this really great deli place, with outstandingly amaxing sandwiches, but outrageously expensive. It was nice! Saturday I went downtown with Elaine and Joe. I tried to do some more anthro reading but....>> yeah. Elaine had an E-board meeting so Joe and I met up with Roman and Dan. THAT was interesting. All I can say was that it was fun! They're all fun guys. We made a bet on when Elaine would be done with her meeting. If I had gone with my instinct I would have won! As it was, Dan won. Maddie, Steve(n), and Jamesha met up with us for dinnah. We were going to go to to Buffalo Wild Wings but they were busy cause of some game. (I've become so Michigan-centric. When I heard they were watching the game I immediately thought it was a Michigan football game...) So we went to Clarkes! It was cool. Learned that Dan visited a couple countries in Europe just for the hell of it apparently. Too bad a few poeple couldn't make it (alexjamieericlexrpgandothers)

The rest of the weekend was spent picking up odds and ends for myself and my room. Hauled a bit of carpeting up here and a minimart's worth of food. I bought myself a new coat. I also bought me mum's b-day pressie. I got her a DS Lite. sounds weird I know but she actually wanted it so there.

I came back to school tuesday afternoon and proceeded to do nothing. So Here I am. Time for bed so I can wake up bright and early to do more last minute cramming!

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